Then her heart begins to race
Feeling the flutter of butterflies inside
It sometimes makes her want to hide
She’s admired him all year from afar
This crush could leave a tiny scar
Off to high school he will go
How this will turn out we have yet to know.
I woke up this morning thinking of this poem. My daughter has her first 'real' crush. I say first real crush because she has told me that this was the first time she ever got that funny feeling in her stomach about a boy she's liked. She's liked a few, but never to this point. Even her little 'quasi' boyfriend from last year wasn't a big deal.
She only admired the crush from the distance. She's wanted to talk to him for a long time, but she always got to nervous. Well, she bucked up on the night of his and stepson's 8th grade graduation. She got him to sign her yearbook. Since his parents saw that, they introduced themselves to her. I don't know if they thought she was one of his friends or if there was some 'look' between the two of them that made the parents come over. I wasn't there watching. I'm sure she would have hated it if I was. LOL A friend took her cell number over to the crush. It was funny. I happened to be there, because I was at school most of yesterday. After school, my kids headed to the park that's right next to school. Guess who happened to be there? You got it: the crush. He called her over to sign his yearbook and talked a bit. (No, I didn't see it. I wasn't there. lol)
I know that a daughter's first crush, boyfriend, or love can be a scary prospect for a dad. Like I mentioned last week, daughters often find it hard to talk to their dads about these things, because they find it a little embarrassing to discuss with them. We girls also know how our dads can get when they first find out about the boys we like or are 'going out with'.
I have always been a firm believer in keeping my lines of communication open with all my kids. It started with my 22 yr old. I've definitely kept it going with the girls. My 12 yr old often comes to me with her feelings about friends and boys. This time was no exception. I do fear that she could get a little heartbroken if something ever comes out of this crush, but as with everything in life, one must experience to learn, right?
We got into talking about how boys can get during their pubescent times and how girls can get as well. I always tell her to never do anything she's uncomfortable with. I tell her that if a boy really cares and respects her, he won't ask her to do those things. I have told her many times before, that I would like her to come to me when/if she ever gets those feelings that there's a possibility of sex happening. I say that I hope she waits for a long time (especially since both sides of her dad's and my family have gotten pregnant at early ages).
Last night she says to me, "Mom, remember when you said that wanted me to tell you when I had those feelings? How old did you want me to be before I do?" I said to her, "I would hope that you don't for awhile. But, it's not a certain age. It's when you get those feelings." I have told her that I would put her on the pill if the time came that she told me she was thinking about being sexually active. She then asks me, "How old were you when you told grandma?" I told her that I never did. The most 'sex talk' I got from my mom was 'if you ever do it, make sure you have protection.'
My parents were/are a bit conservative. I often don't think they knew how to talk to us about that stuff. My dad was my mom's one and only boyfriend. I'm not even sure if my dad gave my brother 'the talk'. I was basically on my own when it came to feelings about boys, relationships, and all the angst that teens go through. I knew that it wasn't going to be like that for my kids. I wanted to make sure that they were never afraid to talk to me about anything.
Right now, I know I don't have to worry about my daughter. She's been showing me lots of maturity with the way she discusses things with me. Heck, she's still nervous about getting her 'first kiss'. Whenever that may happen.
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Trying not to have word verification anymore. We'll see how it goes. So leave it.....